Grim is the Reaper, A Play
Written By: Kelly Hewitt, J Barlow, Courtney Read, Debbie Orr and Keith Garcia
Characters
Andrea Barlow The patient and Wife to James
Sandy Keegan PhD The Therapist
Grim Reaper As Himself
Ray Foretold Grim Reaper’s Boss
Jimmy Young The young Boy
Dr. James Barlow III Husband to Andrea
Scene 1
It was May 13, 2009 a Friday afternoon, in the posh Seattle therapist office of 55-year old Sandy Keegan. Sandy is quietly listening to her 26-year-old highbrow client Andrea Barlow, wife of the millionaire and 51-year-old Dr. James Barlow III.
PATIENT: [is conversing with Sandy, she is wearing designer jeans, a wrinkled silk blouse, hair is a mess, and she looks frazzled, occasional sniffles and crying]. I can’t seem to make a difference to anyone, Jim is always busy working, when I get home late from the gym or the club I have to take care of the those pesky step-kids. The nanny leaves at seven on weekdays and there is never enough time for me, sometimes I have to clean up after the maid leaves! If I could spend just one week doing something without being interrupted by all of these domestic problems, things would be fine, I wanted to go to Cannes but couldn’t because of his mother’s funeral. I cannot help it if I am 26 and he is 51, I am still young and active, I cannot waste my time doing this! I just cannot do it anymore! [Crying] It has been four days since he took me out, why doesn’t he care about me? I should just go on the road with Slash, he is my new boyfriend, if I did that, I might be able to see Paris in the spring and life would be different, and perfect! [pause, outburst of crying] oh, why, why, why?
THERAPIST: [is wearing a conservative suit with glasses and writes on a notepad from time to time.] I am sorry to see you are hurting, tell me something you would do if you had a week to yourself.
PATIENT: Well I haven’t really thought about it, I guess I would go to Paris with Slash.
THERPAIST: [Accusingly] A whole week and you would spend it with your boyfriend? That would help you feel better about the situation.
PATIENT Well, yeah, or maybe no…I don’t know at least Slash makes me feel alive, and he loves to party.
THERPAIST: Have you talked with Jim about what your needs are?
PATIENT I never get a chance to talk with him during the week, he is always gone!
THERAPIST:[Looking uncomfortable to push further] Any chance to talk with him on weekends?
ANDREA
PATIENT Last Friday for example, or I guess it was early Saturday afternoon [sniffle] I got home from clubbing with the girls like we do every Friday, Jim left, taking the kids out sailing in the sound, leaving a note said, “Sorry, we missed you, be home Sunday night.” The nerve of him leaving me home alone to tend to my hangover, he is such a jerk!
SANDY
THERAPIST: So did you have plans to go with Jim and the children earlier on Saturday and then unable to go with them?
ANDREA
PATIENT [incensed] Oh, no you don’t, do not take his side again, I have told you how mad that makes me! I pay you good money to help me with my problems not his! [looking at watch] now I need to leave for my massage or else I’ll be late, please have your secretary call me a cab, and have her call an schedule another appointment with my assistant next week. [Andrea gathers her purse and walks into the background]
SANDY
THERAPIST:[Sullenly picks up phone] Please cancel my appointments for the remainder of the day, I am feeling ill. [Puts down the notepad looking melancholy]
Scene 2.
On a ledge 5 stories up from the street outside Sandy’s office window, Sandy is getting ready to end her life, by jumping to her death.
THERPAIST: Goodbye Andrea Barlow, goodbye husband I never had, goodbye everyone. [jumps]
Scene 3.
On the busy New York street, crowds have stopped to look.
GRIM: [Leaning over Sandy’s body, speaks in a somewhat scripted manner, he is wearing black] Hello, Sandy do not be alarmed by my appearance, I’m the Grim Reaper, many also know me as the Angel of Death. Your body is dead but your soul is very much alive. My role is to escort you to the next world. [with a smile] Are you carrying any weapons or sharp objects that I should be aware of?
THERPAIST:[Lying down confused and tired] Very funny, no let’s get going I’m finished with this place. [sits up slowly and brushes herself off, then freezes motionless as if time has stopped]
GRIMS BOSS: [to the point] Enough with the gags Grim, this one needs to go back, it is not her time yet, you should have been able to spot that. Send her back.
GRIM:[somewhat mumbling, as if unsure] No, I think she is dead boss. I think you might be wrong on this one.
GRIMS BOSS [frustrated] Grim, normally I am patient specter, but I am at my wits end with you. You’ve been applying for the Santa Claus job for the last 1200 years; every time you apply someone from HR calls me to ask if you are a good candidate. I have to say no! Do you know how tired I am of saying no?
GRIM: [frustrated] You promised me when I came to THE GRIM GROUP that I would get promoted quickly, yet I am still working nights and weekends, that is ghoulishly unfair!
GRIMS BOSS: [in an understanding fatherly voice] Grim, you are a great guy and all, but you just aren’t developing fast enough, remember in 1987 when you took a busload of school kids to hell when you should have taken that bachelor party bus with all the strippers? The big guy, doesn’t take stuff like that lightly and he doesn’t forget! You do this job and maybe I won’t say no next time HR calls.
GRIM: [sighs] Whatever!
THERAPIST: [now reanimated, shakes her head] I am ready to leave when you are.
GRIM: Dreadfully sorry, there has been a misunderstanding, you have to go back, it’s my bad really, you have more work to do here, I thought you were done but I am told you are not. Just lie back down and close your eyes.
THERAPIST: [mad, stands up] I don’t think so; I am ready to go, just point me in the right direction.
GRIM:[nervously] This isn’t optional, you are dead and you shouldn’t be, you have to go back or I get in trouble, again.
THERAPIST: [getting heated] Listen here, I finished my life my way, if you did what I did in life all day long you would have checked out early too. People always saying it is someone else, well, trust me, it never is. This perfect little millionaire in my office was the final straw, no sir, I am finished.
GRIM: [pleading] I hate to beg but if you don’t go back I’ll be doing this Grim job forever. So, please just lie down.
THERAPIST: [compassionately] Well I expected a lot of things when I died, but none of them like this. If you don’t do this job what job would you do?
GRIM:[smiling and looking upward] Santa Claus.
THERAPIST: [frustrated] Santa Claus, you have got to be kidding me? Talking about a thankless job, spoiled kids begging for more presents year after year when people are starving, then complaining about what they get. I see those kids in my office every week. You WANT that job, why?
GRIM: [looking at Sandy] It’s been a dream of mine for a long time, I love kids and making people happy. Now I just scare people, especially kids and I hate that.
THERAPIST [interested] Scare kids, who can even see you?
GRIM: [turning his gaze to boy on the street] Watch over there. [Grim’s eyes start to glow red, and he points to a little boy on the street corner]
Boy: [a 9 year old boy with red hair jeans and a t-shirt shrieks] Mom look at that, it’s a horrible ghost, right by that dead lady in the street!
GRIM: [turning back to Sandy] See what I mean?
THERAPIST: I do, but you do look pretty, creepy. I guess someone has to do your job, right?
GRIM:[sighs] Well, they have been saying I could advance to THE SANTA CLAUS GROUP a long time ago but I make so many mistakes I have been stuck here forever. Nobody deserves this, the work is dreadful, the hours are long, and I go to hell and back almost every day. [smiling] If you could do this for me, I would make it worth your while on Christmas.
THERAPIST [smiling] I am a sucker for a hard case like yours Grim. Okay, I’ll go back on one condition.
GRIM: [smiling] Name your price.
THERAPIST [starting to lay back down] Send me a good husband.
GRIM:[deviously smiling] Now, that I can help you with.
Scene 4.
Outside of Sandy Keegan’s office on the busy New York street, Andrea Barlow is waiting at a coffee stand for her husband.
HUSBAND: [James Barlow III dressed in a three-piece suit is walking smiling toward his wife at a coffee stand and noticing Sandy Keegan in the street rushes out to where she is lying] Stand back everyone, I’m a doctor.
THERAPIST [opening her eyes and smiling] Well, hello there.
HUSBAND [smiling at Sandy] Well, hello there, don’t worry ma’am, everything will be just fine. [he touches Sandy’s beautiful face and realizes that she is uninjured, and strikingly beautiful]
PATIENT:[incensed that her husband abandoned her on the sidewalk rushes into the street] James, we have an appointment, she is somebody else’s problem. [a speeding taxi races passed a bus, the driver not paying attention hits Andrea and kills her instantly.]
GRIMS BOSS: [Shaking his head] Alright Grim, I’ll put in a good word for you to HR.
GRIM:[leaning over Andrea’s body] Hello, Andrea do not be alarmed by my appearance, I’m the Grim Reaper, many also know me as the Angel of Death. Your body is dead but your soul is very much alive. My role is to escort you to the next world.[with a smile] Are you carrying any weapons or sharp objects that I should be aware of? [Then the acting portion of this scene is the person playing the grim slowly fades their voice and as he finishes the word] “Death”
Ray, Grim’s boss immediately begins his final dialogue.
GRIMS BOSS:[Shaking his head] Good work Santa Clause…